April 8th, Wednesday of Holy Week

Isaiah 50: 4-9a, Psalm 69: 8-10, 21-22, 31 and 33-34, Matthew 26: 14-25

The reading from Isaiah speaks to me of a gift given -- and then taken away -- and a time of loss of vision and meaning.

I am speaking to you of the loss of my wife, Diane. After a deep friendship of many years, Diane and I were married on May 28, 1999. Eleven months later, to the day, I buried her. Diane contracted A.L.S. (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) or Lou Gehrig's disease. A.L.S. is a muscle wasting disease for which there is no cure.

This was one of the most difficult times of my life. Everything was surreal. I was numb and felt as if I were in a fog. I viewed the world as dark and my life without purpose or meaning.

Never once through this time did I ever feel the loss of God's presence or love and concern for me. I knew that while Diane was physically gone, she was safe. She is held in the arms of love. I never questioned God's purpose. I was given the gift of a trust in God that remains unshakeable.

For me, everything has its' origins and endings in love. God is love. I try to view the events in my life only through the eyes of love. It is not always easy to do, but when I am able to do so, the situation softens and loses its hard edge. Life hurts. It is only love, a conscious choice that has the ability to heal any hurt. Totally. Love is a choice to lay down one's life for another. May we all look to Jesus, and following His example, love in like fashion.

John Wilbrot, widower, married to Diane